Out With The Limiting Habits & In With The Expansion Of Our Self

The truth about looking within is, it’s not easy; it’s challenging, hard and uncomfortable. When we begin, to have the desire to want to know the deeper meaning to life, our purpose and why the hell we are here? We begin on the path of self-awareness. To answer these questions, we have to look within. We have to observe and reflect what we have going on within and who we are. 

In the early stages, we will come to see that we have wounds, hurt and pain we have yet to acknowledge; those aspects that live within us that affect our day to day lives. In this stage, we are not sure why we hold certain things that have happened to us so closely when they’ve caused us pain. Questioning our self is a step to self-awareness and having to unpack the reasons why we engage with certain behaviours, habits or patterns is stepping towards that direction. 

Although there’s a polarity to this process, it’s when we question our self to the point we doubt our self. Whether it’s our worth, the experiences we had, our emotions and overall knowledge. Those moments when we doubt our self is from a self-limiting belief. Where we might hold a belief that we are not smart enough, worthy enough and just not enough. 

Those beliefs we hold have been embed within us, meaning that they are unconscious. Just like how we walk, talk or eat, those habits are something we do not need to think about, rather they just happen with no effort put into it. That’s similar to how our belief systems work within us. There are times we follow a pattern, belief and narrative about our self without being consciously aware of it at all. 

This is something we realise when we look within, as we question our self we will have things revealed and come to the surface on the blueprint we have created about our self. This isn’t to say that it’s a bad thing it doesn’t re-surface, we just have to follow our own process.

The belief system we have built-in with our blueprint has become a habit for us, that thinking pattern or that narrative we tell our self has been an automatic response. Breaking out of habits that are no longer useful or assisting us, is not always the habits we do in the worldly plane, sometimes they occur within our mind. 

Below I have listed strategies and tools of how to break out of a thinking pattern, belief, or narratives and the inner critic within us. Also how and why our brain focuses on the negative rather than the joyful events. 

These strategies and tools are something nobody can do for us, its something we have to do for our self. The thing with inner work is nobody in the world can do the work for us as we are the biggest excerpt of our self. 

How Our Brain Are Wired:

Our brain priorities survival over happiness or joy and that is why it’s important to choose gratitude and optimism, over the negative things occurring within our life. Our brain does this because it’s a way to keep us safe. It’s build to remember and focus on all the negative things because it then creates a pattern, where if we were faced with those similar experiences that we have categories as negative or bad, it will keep us from going forwards to those experiences.

Example: If we go through a bad breakup and get our heartbroken, we’ll categories that falling in love or getting into a committed relationship is dangerous because of what happened last time. Which then gets us to avoid that type of deeper intimacy/commitment.

Our brain creates neural pathways that strengthen over time depending on how frequency we use that pathway. Example, with thinking patterns, when we are frequency stressed over the little things, that neural pathway will be stronger compared to a pathway that is about letting go. Over time the less we use that pathway that requires us to let go, the function of it declines/gets weaker.

 Example: Our biceps, if we were to just do leg workout and neglect our arms, then obviously the leg muscles will be bigger than our arms. - That’s similar to the neural pathways we’ve created. The more we use them the stronger they are.

So if we are constantly in the state of negative thinking patterns, obviously that part of our brain will be overstimulated and more connected to our nervous styles. Which get us to be more prone to anxiety, stress, depression and lower states of frequency.

One profound thing about our brain is that it can reconnect and create new neural pathways during adulthood, which called neuroplasticity. This term pretty much means that when we create new experiences that have higher vibrational frequencies attached to them such as optimism, joy, happiness, contentment etc. we create new neural pathways. Although we have to continuously create and participate in experiences that give us those high vibrations so that, the neural pathway will get strong and (example) the one with the negative thinking pattern will decline. This is a way of rewiring our brain away from anxiety, depression and lack of self-love.

Insight: It’s important to know that our thinking patterns are done out of habit. We have to be more aware of them so we can interrupt and question them. As we question them we are creating a new experience, which gets us to break out of these patterns. By replacing them with compassionate, self-accepting mantras we are re-wiring our brain to operate from that place.

Breaking Out Of Negative Thinking Patterns:

Unpacking A Thinking Pattern:

• Pick a thinking pattern that is not helping your ascension/expansion of consciousness/self-worth. This can be a belief or narrative you follow and re-plays in your head.
  (Example; black and white thinking - “She looks so good in that dress. I’m so ugly and can’t ever look that way.” Or “They pick it up so easily and I can’t, I’m such a failure.")

• Unpack and dismantle your focused thinking pattern by questioning it:
  - What evidence do I have for this thought to be true?
  - What evidence do I have that it isn’t?
  - Is this accurate?
  - Is it mirroring my reality?
  - Has there been a time where I’ve had this thought and it didn’t come true?
  - Is that belief realistic or an illusion?
  - What would I tell someone who is having these thoughts?
  - What emotions am I feeling when these types of thoughts come up? Am I sad, angry, or anxious or the other spectrum, happy, content, or joyful?

Strategy/Tool:

JOURNALLING-
Begin journal if you haven’t already. Use the questions in the section above to go deeper within you. – One thing I love about journaling is, I can see it clearly and in the 3D, rather than just in my mind; where it can get tangled up. And also journaling is like a way of record keeping. In 6-month time, you can look back at your journal and see for the self the improvement you have achieved internally.

GRATITUDE-
Practice daily gratitude, towards the things that are working and the things we genuinely grateful for. This can be as simple as having all our body parts working and not needing assistance to move around, having a roof over our heads or having a variety of options of food. 

Begin embedding gratitude to your day to day life. 

• When you wake up and before going to bed list 5 things you are grateful for.

• When you’re feeling low mood, shift your energy towards the gratitude by listing things; in your head, out loud or journaling. 

MANTRA/AFFIRMATION- 
Mantra and affirmations can be used when interrupting our thinking pattern at the moment if we don’t have the time to unpack it right there and then.

ACTIVITY:
Creating Your Own Mantra; create a mantra that you can use for the specific thinking pattern/belief/narrative that you’re breaking out of. OR look one up.

F.E.C.K (Forgiveness, Empathy, Compassion and Kindness) - 
This acronym is also a great way to interrupt our thinking pattern and create a new internal dialogue within us. It doesn’t have to be in this sequence, the main key is to give these to our self. Having to be compassionate and kind to our self is not as easy as it sounds for many, although its those baby steps we have to take towards that direction. 

Having to be kind for the day we are not feeling our self or having a low level of mood, or being compassionate for the times we don’t have energy or materials to give out to those around us. It’s having to understand that we are human and we make mistakes and we’re not perfect.

The key is giving our self a huge F.E.C.K - Forgiveness, Empathy, Compassion and Kindness.  

We should also learn to let go and remove the expectation to have attached to our self to be a certain way to receive acceptance, love or recognition. Those expectations create pressure that necessarily do not need to be there and it also causing more harm to our health. 

This concept also goes with letting go of expectations we have attached to people. We have to let go of ALL the things we can not control and that includes people. There is no moment in time we ever had control over people, it’s a form of an illusion. To control people we have to manipulate them and that will always cause more harm and suffering that any good; not just towards the person being manipulated but the manipulator.

A huge part of any inner work is learning what and when you do not have control over something and then be able to let go and shift your focus onto something you can control.  – This again is a habit that takes time to learn and embedded within our way of thinking.

More Insight: Thinking patterns are habits that we have gotten used to overtime. They can be unconscious most of the time and we aren’t even aware of them because they are so embedded within us.

It’s important to grasp that any habit takes time to break out of. It takes work, effort, patience and time. Those three-aspects work, effort and patience are something we can control, and although with time we never did. We don’t receive a stamp date of when a habit will be no longer present. There is just a time that comes where we react differently to a situation, that we would have acted out from that particular thinking pattern although, with the work, effort and patience we have cultivated, it comes effortlessly to react differently.

This requires us to create new experiences not just externally but internally too. As our thinking patterns are within us.

Be patience with our self and don’t compare our process and life in general with others. 

Comparison is a bitch and will create an illusion that will block us from seeing the greatness that lives within you. Trust YOUR OWN process as learning to love your self is not an overnight thing. It’s a process that we are constantly on and will never end; because loving our self meaning we are continuously learning and expanding our self-awareness.

Before we can see our worth and love within us, we have to remove those limiting and lack beliefs, patterns and narratives that are blocking us from seeing the true beauty, power and worthiness that we have within us. That we have always been enough and worthy no matter what versions of our self didn’t believe so.

Be Kinder, Less Critical

NEUROPLASTICITY by: Merichel S.
(Blue = Depression || Purple = Anxiety || Orange/Yellow = Joy/Optimistic)

Addiction

DISCLAIMER***  These epiphanies and realisations are from my own experiences of overcoming addiction. - I am not a professional AOD worker (Alcohol and Other Drugs).
Take what resonates and leave out the ones that don’t.

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Addiction is such a taboo topic. It's a topic that has many stigmas and prejudices attached to it. It comes from a lack of education and knowledge about the issue. With addiction, it isn't about being on the hardest drugs. It's about having pain and not wanting to feel it or know how to deal with it. 

Addiction isn't something we want to experience. It's not a conscious decision to want to be addicted and depend on a substance. They aren't always drugs either. Sometimes it's the chemical reaction we receive from a person, our thoughts, porn, food, gambling, gaming, social media or sex. 

Addiction comes from the sense of wanting control.

Addiction comes from seeking comfort away from our pain or hurts that is coming to the surface within our present moment. 

There are plenty of layers that are underneath experiencing addiction. 

There are plenty of challenges that someone who is recovering from addiction faces. Many people who suffer from addiction are hurting within. Not having the tools and the knowledge to deal with their hurt so they turn to self-medicating. With self-medicating it's a short term solution that has long term damages. We begin to depend on the substance to make us 'happy' or 'calm'. We begin to use it as an escape and begin to revolve our entire lifestyle to a particular substance or our addiction. We do not see the damage and effect it has on us or the people around us until we step back and detox. 

It's not an easy thing to come to term with this. Many also are not conscious of the pain they still hold that fuels their addiction. 

Addiction is something not to be ashamed about and never shame others for going through it. Shame comes from a lack of understanding. When we shame we become ignorant to the full truth. Somebody doesn't wake the next day and decide they'll be dependent on a substance for their livelihood. It's a gradual process that happens. Just like any mental illness, it builds up till one day we don't recognise our self anymore. 

Healing and recovering from addiction is difficult as it is and extra harder if we don't have the right support around us. When we have people who do not respect our decision to stop using and instead try to tempt us with the habits we are trying to break out of. That is a sign that the environment we are in is toxic and isn't aligned with where we want to go. 

The thing with addiction, the chemical reaction it gives over the brain is an illusion. The substances that are highly addictive 'mimic' the chemical reaction of dopamine. With that, it also hijacks our reward systems. Creating an unnatural fuel of dopamine. Over time the reward system begins to stop working efficiently, which gets us to need to increase the use of the substance. We then begin to depend on it to feel 'happy' or a sense of 'calm'. 

A substance or habit becomes an addiction when we revolve our lives around it. When we need it to have fun or function in our day today. When we depend on it for our sense of happiness and contentment. When we overspend and only focus on fueling that substance or habit we have. When we begin to create any excuse to part take in the habit or substance. Those are many indications that we are experiencing addiction. - Although we can look at all the signs and symptoms that come with it. The main thing that we need to address is the root of it. 

Finding the root cause of why we feel the need to escape and depend on a substance or habit to fuel our happiness and a sense of livelihood is important. That is because when we tackle and unpack the root cause of anything issues we create an ending for the cycle we were on. We can focus on the healing the root causes, rather than just tackling the stems that come off it. - This should be done simultaneously. 

Handling the stems could be creating a barrier that would make the substance or habit hard to access. That could be letting go of people who do not respect our boundaries, cutting ties with the connection we have with that particular addiction and being open to healing. - It's also important that we seek professional help with addiction. That we are not alone on this journey. It's important to know that we don't get 'in trouble' when speaking about addiction to counsellors. The only time we get 'in trouble' is if we are endangering our self or others around us. Counselling is private and confidential, they are not allowed to speak of the sessions unless we permit them. And even then they have to ask before giving it out (unless it's a court order or we are endangering our self or others). 

Healing and recovering our addiction isn't an overnight thing. It's a process and a journey. A journey that will have its ups and downs. A journey that will put us on a path of self-love and acceptance of ourself and our past. 

Addiction is running away from the present moment. We run away from the present moment because we have unspoken things we are carrying from the past. Some of those things are heavy and hard to speak about. Then, there are some things we carry that we are not even aware that we are still carrying till this day. Our psyche is such a complex muscle within our body and it's the main control in our body system. We have very limited access to parts of our psyche. There is a lot of information hiding and being covered because they are in our subconscious and the collective unconsciousness. 

Many of our problems and issues in the present moments stem from something that has happened in our past. Some sort of conditioning and blueprints we have been carrying that affects the way we move and see the world, others and our self. These filters determine the decisions we make in life. - Healing is a huge part of recovering from addiction. We have to tend, acknowledge and embrace the parts of our self that are calling out to see through our addiction. 

It's not an easy concept to come to term with, it's daunting, uncomfortable and hard. Especially having to let it go and face what we have been trying to run away from. 

During the present moment, we will have temptations and desires to go back to old habits. Although with the healing and inner work we do on our self we can cut off those temptations and desires. It's not going to be easy, although it is doable. - Healing our addiction from the root cause creates a long term effect. Our future self will be proud of the actions and sacrifices we did in the present. 

In the present moment, when we are healing our self do not be harsh, judgemental or hateful. Like I have stated people do not wake up one day and decide they will depend on a substance. - Being more open with our struggles such as addiction removes stigmas. It removes the idea that people made a conscious choice to experience addiction. We all have gone through some rough circumstances and experiences that have altered our sense of self. 

The thing is the past is something we can not change. It doesn't matter how much we duel on it or repress it. It's happened and it's a set reality that can not be altered or changed. Nobody in the world can change the past. -

Believe it or not when we begin to accept the past for exactly the way it is; without shame or judgment, we begin to see that certain experiences we have gone through as something valuable. Maybe at the time we didn't see it nor did we even think it was something valuable. Although when we let go of the judgement and shame we have for ourself and the past, we will begin to see the blessing in disguise or the silver linings within them. 

If we think about a certain event or experience that we didn't go through, it would create a butterfly effect. Where our entire life would be different from how it is now and as well as those around us. -

If we are not happy or pleased with where we are in the present, we can change that. Nothing is ever permanent. It's not going to be constant rainbows and sunshine although the changes we embark in, to invest in our future will be worth it. Our future always becomes our present moment one way or another. - We shouldn't be constantly chasing the future or wanting to escape our present moment. We deserve to be able to sit within the present and enjoy it. We all deserve peace, contentment, healing and acceptance from within. Being able to feel contentment and optimism in the present without having to imagine it in the future. Contentment and optimism is something we can achieve within our present moment. 

Healing our self is the best investment we can give our self. We give our self the chance to live in the moment, to not be clouded from our past and to see clearly. - Healing is part of life. We have gone through circumstances and experiences that have chipped away fragments of our self. It is what it is. Some of those circumstances and experiences we had zero control over them. Although the beauty in healing is reclaiming those fragments that were chipped away from us. No matter how deep or fair those fragments are we can still reclaim them. Healing is the bridge for those fragments. We can reach and reclaim them as we heal. - 

It’s much easier said than done about recovering from addiction. Giving our self the forgiveness, empathy, compassion and kindness is an important part of recovery. A reminder that we can’t change the past as much as we want. We just can’t, it’s one of those truths that can be hard to swallow. Although we can learn to let go by healing and recovering the reasons why we feel the need to escape. 

Be kinder to ourself as we are all trying to just get by and figure life as it comes. Most journeys are not something we can achieve overnight. It takes time, effort, work and patience. We are all on a different path and journey and it’s not something we should compare with one another. It’s never been a competition. Focusing on our inner world is not selfish or self-centred. WE all have a desire to be understood, so why not learn to understand ourself?  

Image from @sobrietycards

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

My Truth On My Healing Journey

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Stepping into the Unknown:

When I decided to go back to therapy and look into what was going on with my mental health. It was scary, I've battled with mental illness from a young age. I have plenty of experiences of going to therapy and treatments. It was something I was never vocal about. I internalized shame and judgement within me that projected as hatred for the world. For a long time, I've battled with Depression and Anxiety they are a hell of a companion during my adolescent years creating this facade of a happy little gal going with the flow with life. When reality I didn't see myself living through my 20's. I was impulsive, naive to the point that I didn't care about myself or my future. Transitioning to adulthood was rough and masking my mental illness through partying, substance abuse and sex (the rock and roll lifestyle) didn't make it easier. I was confused and was just a very lost soul. I was diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety and Complex-PTSD in the recent relapse. Which was a blessing in disguise for me as it was the beginning of the journey of self-love and living my authentic self.

I'm sharing my personal experience of my journey through the form of writing as this is one of the creative ventures I've embodied and love. This is how I can express myself in an honest and creative way. I know how difficult it is and can be when embarking in this new path. I want people to know who do embark in this journey and path that they are not alone. That those feeling of difficulty, uncomfortable, self-doubts and negative thinking doesn't make them worthless or broken. We all have gone through experiences and have many influences from our external environment that makes us question our own greatness. Having a mental illness is not something to be ashamed or hide for us to internalize it and deal with alone.

We all have a different perspective and ways of going about our own journey. We need to be more vocal about mental health journey and express ourself in a way that will encourage others to do the same with their own journey of healing. It creates a ripple effect. One person stands up for what they believe in and others follow too as they have the same idea just didn't know to put it out there.  Going through mental illness alone creates an illusions on lonesome, that no one else in the world feels the way you do when reality many of us have felt some similar ways.

I am the walking example what healing and focusing on ourself does. We radiate like we have never been before. As we see our own beauty and greatness instead of relying on others to see it for us. We embark into the self-love and standing in authenticity. Mental illness is b*tch no doubt. I am a walking example that mental illness can be concurred. It's a journey but it is a journey differently worth embarking on. 

Self-love intertwines with healing, it's a tool that is needed in the journey of life. I believe that we need to be able to learn how to provide love for ourself from ourself. It's a tool that helps us thrive in life not just in one area but in all areas. When we thrive and feel the love for ourself our self-worth and self-esteem begin to rise. It's just the process of the love we give ourself, we then begin to learn to embrace all parts of ourself creating unconditional love from within. Our standards and tolerance will change as well as how we view ourself and move through life. There is no need to feel guilty for not being able to relate to things that we use too, it is part of growth and maturing. We do need to process this guilt through grieving. We do feel that sense of loss and grief when we have outgrown certain things, people, environment etc. 

Self-love is not a 9-5 job, it is a 24/7 work we have to do for ourself. It is a work that is doable and requires our attention. Self-love is not always easy and at the beginning of this journey requires a larger effort from us. From personal experience from someone who was never been great at providing self-love to themself, this process took a lot of energy to do in the beginning. Just like any habit and re-wiring our thinking pattern it will take time and effort for it to become second nature. There are many layers to self-love and different ways of providing that for ourself. Others will have different ways of defining and part-taking in activities that embody self-love. Although it comes from the foundations of love, compassionate, nurturing, caring and providing for ourself.

Harsh Truth(s):

From my experience of learning to love self, it's a continuous learning process. There are many layers to loving ourself and sometimes the act of self-love is not always easy and glamourous. Sometimes self-love is letting certain people go. Not because they are bad people because we are not compatible with them anymore. As life goes go and we grow older there is a shift of distance that begins. It's one of the natural processes of life and relationships, we tend to grow apart from people due from maturing and re-constructing our way of living. This isn't just with romantic relationships. This goes with all types of relationships. There are times we have to let go of certain connections in order for new ones to come in. - That's why there are times self-love requires us to stand in our own power and greatness alone. 

Sometimes self-love requires us to let go of not just people, but habits and behaviours. As they are no longer serving us, they are creating more harm and anxiety than pouring into our cup of love. Letting go of habits and behaviours that have helped during the process of our journey can be difficult. Although letting go and detaching is a process we do during our healing but also in life. It is an important skill to have to be able to listen to our inner knowing when it's time to let go. - Reminder; it is not always because something is bad, it's the compatibility aspect of it. 

When we are not compatible with (example) a social group, those relationships become forced and requires so much effort to keep up with. I'm not saying that relationships are smooth sailing and rainbows and sunshine 24/7, although it is not supposed to feel forced, draining or create anxiety. That's one indication that it might be time to let go. 

We are not doing it out of spite, but out of love for ourself. 

When I began to pull back my energy to heal and look after myself. I realised how much of my energy and availability I was pouring out to others because I was constantly trying to seek validation, acceptance, love and a way of escape of my own thoughts. I didn't come to any of these realisations until poured my energy back to me. That's the real harsh truth I had to accept and come to terms with. That I was embodied in a 21 years old adult running around with my blueprints and programming from my wounded Inner Child; wanting to be seen and heard by others who didn't even listen to their voice. Once we begin to lose the crowd and stand in our own we have epiphanies that will give us the courage to stand on our own. 

Courage isn't gain without fear. There is a need for fear with courage. We transmute fear through the actions we take which then creates this new energy source of courage. 

I don't regret any of my past decisions as they've gotten me to where I am today; the person that I am from within and it wasn't formed overnight nor was it done with no effort and work. I had to make to hard and uncomfortable decisions base on the love I had and desire for myself. With those decisions, I had to stand in them and embrace the Unknown. Because for me self-love was the Unknown, believing in myself was the Unknown, voicing my beliefs and sharing my work was the Unknown. Any time we step out of our comfort zone, whether it's embarking into healing our mental health, learning to love ourself or confessing our love for someone. Those are the Unknown, without us even being aware we step into the Unknown many of times without even realisations. 

Don't lose faith in our journeys, it is a learning process and a process we will do our entire life. Which is why we have to faith in ourself. Each cycle and phrases are not going to the same what so ever. As we finish a cycle and begin to embark in a new one, we began to realise that we needed to go through certain experiences from the past cycles to have a certain tool, skill or a form of maturity to be able to embark in the new one. 

HEALING AND SPIRITUALITY: 

When we embark on this path of self-love and healing there is a need to practise patience, letting go, surrendering to the things we can not control. All of these aspects need practising. 

That's why I believe and stand by the idea that healing and spirituality go hand and hand. When we do get that phrase of 'waiting' we practice letting go and surrendering. Something that is promoted within spiritual practises. 

Our healing is something we can control. We make the decisions with the changes and how we perceive the things we can not control. Such as world events, others behaviours and other external things. With healing, because it is from within that is something we have control over. We have control over perception, behaviour, habits and opportunity we embark in, people we surround ourself, the content we are watching, listening etc. We have control over own on body, mind and soul. Once we learn to control all parts of ourself (body, mind and soul) we begin to fall into this contentment and peace. That even if there is chaos going around there is this sense of peace and contentment within. 

When we feel like we have fallen back two steps down, it is not because we are failing but simply because we are needed to gain a different perspective on those levels we have fallen down on. Creating clarity and growth which then moves us up a different level of where we have fallen off in the first place. 

This is a learning process and something we practise throughout our lifetime. That is what really life is about, which is this constant learning of oneself and the constant gain of different perspective which evolve our body, mind and soul. 

TERRACOTTA WARRIORS & CAI GUO-QIANG EXHIBITION AT THE NATIONAL GALLERY OF VICTORIA NGV

Be Kinder, Less Critical